A Playlist for Beginners Welcome!

My second middle grade novel, Beginners Welcome, hits shelves in just a few short weeks. It's about an eleven-year-old girl named Annie Lee, who's struggling to find healing after her beloved daddy unexpectedly dies. Writing Beginners Welcome was an especially fun process, because I got to draw on one of my favorite things in the world: my own musical background.

Music has been a big part of my life for as long as I can remember. I started taking piano lessons pretty young, and when I was ten I picked up a cousin's violin and taught myself how to play "Minuet in G" in a few minutes—proving to my reluctant mom that yes, I DID need violin lessons. I studied violin seriously all through middle school and high school; in fact, at one point, I planned to be an orchestra teacher! Over the years, I've taught violin, tutored piano, composed music (I even had one composition place at the state level in a competition!), and been an orchestra assistant. In high school, I even got to conduct a local children's orchestra while they played a piece I'd written myself. It was a really cool experience!

In Beginners Welcome, music is the thread that connects Annie Lee to her daddy, even after he's gone. It's also the thing that helps give her the courage and strength to begin moving on after his death. Annie Lee meets an elderly pianist at the local mall, and through piano lessons with him, she starts to open her heart up to others once more.

Because music is such a big part of the book, I had to make a playlist for it—of course! Many of these songs are ones that I listened to as I worked on the book. Although I don't listen to music WHILE I'm actually writing, I'll often listen to it while I'm thinking about the book, outlining, or planning, to help get me in the right mindset. A lot of the songs on this playlist—like the John Denver ones or "Carolina in my Mind," by James Taylor—are songs that are directly mentioned in the book. (One of them happens to be Annie Lee's daddy's favorite song in the world, and the song she's named after... you might be able to figure out which!)

Other songs are the kind of dreamy, improvisational piano pieces that I imagined Ray the pianist playing during his improv sessions at Brightleaf Square Mall. There's a few on there, too, that are passionate, emotional pieces from the classical repertoire, the kinds I imagine Annie Lee and her daddy listening to together.

The final song on the playlist, "Anthem" by Leonard Cohen, was actually part of the inspiration for the story. In fact, the very first title Beginners Welcome had was How The Light Gets In, after a line in that song. I love the chorus of that one, and how it emphasizes the fact that beauty—and light—come from brokenness, rather than perfection. That's a message that Ray delivers to Annie Lee as she struggles through her piano lessons, and it's one that I hope readers take away from Beginners Welcome, too.

I hope that you enjoy this playlist as much I enjoyed putting it together!

(In addition to the embedded player above, you can access the playlist here.)

Beginners Welcome pre-order giveaway!

Everything included in the pre-order giveaway!
(Note that some giveaway tiers may not receive all items pictured.)

One of my favorite things that I did to celebrate the release of Where the Watermelons Grow was holding a pre-order giveaway, so I knew that I wanted to do the same with Beginners Welcome! I see pre-order giveaways as such a wonderful way to thank YOU, my readers, for your support and enthusiasm for my books. Even heading into the publication of book two, it's absolutely mind-boggling to me to realize that real people out in the world have read, loved, and shared my books. This giveaway is a way to say thank you to each of you for your support!

Unlike the giveaway for Watermelons, the Beginners Welcome pre-order giveaway does not include entries for a grand prize. Instead, I've tried to make sure that each entrant will get something a little bigger and more special than the swag I offered with Watermelons. This time, I'm also offering a couple of different entry tiers, which I'm really excited about!

Something completely new included with this giveaway is a digital download of both sheet music and a recording of an original piano composition that I wrote to coordinate with the book. In Beginners Welcome, Annie Lee is entranced by elderly pianist Ray Owens and his skill for improvisational composition—something that I drew from my own life and my own love for piano songwriting! I'm really excited to share the digital downloads for the sheet music and recording for this song, and hope you'll enjoy it as much as I have.

What you'll get for pre-ordering BEGINNERS WELCOME through retailers other than Annie Bloom's

Here's what you can expect to receive if you enter this giveaway:

—Pre-orders through most retailers: Digital download of sheet music and recording for "Beginners Welcome" song; a signed bookplate; a BEGINNERS WELCOME bookmark; and a BEGINNERS WELCOME sticker.

—Pre-orders through AnnieBlooms.com: Digital download of sheet music and recording for "Beginners Welcome" song; a signed bookplate; a BEGINNERS WELCOME bookmark; a BEGINNERS WELCOME sticker; and a music-themed elastic charm bookmark (colors and charm styles may vary, and not all elastic colors are shown in the photo).

If you pre-order through AnnieBlooms.com, you'll receive a music-themed elastic
charm bookmark in addition to the rest of the swag!

—Library order requests or holds (Only eligible through 2/11/2020): Digital download of sheet music and recording for "Beginners Welcome" song; a BEGINNERS WELCOME bookmark; and a BEGINNERS WELCOME sticker.

—If you are a teacher or librarian who pre-orders the book to share with your classroom: Bookmarks and stickers for one classroom's worth of students; a signed bookplate; and a personalized letter from me to your class. (Note that I can only send swag for one classroom's worth of students, even if you teach multiple sections.)

The giveaway will be open from now until one week after the book's release, closing on 2/18/2020. Mailed swag and digital downloads may or may not be sent until after the giveaway period closes.

To enter, follow this link to the Google form where I'll be collecting information! Also, please don't hesitate to enter if you've pre-ordered Beginners Welcome—everyone is eligible for this giveaway, even my friends and family. ;) Help me show my gratitude for your support!

A Handy Guide For Talking To Your Author Friends

My debut novel, WHERE THE WATERMELONS GROW, has been out for just over a month now. In so many ways, launching this book has been more exciting and fulfilling than I ever could've imagined—seeing others, both friends and strangers, responding to a story I CREATED is never going to stop feeling surreal and incredible.

But I've noticed a weird thing in the month since my book came out. People talk to authors (and, I would imagine, to people of many different creative professions) in some really odd ways—ways they would never talk to somebody in a different profession. Which has led me to embrace a new life motto, a quick and easy rule of thumb to guide you through conversations with the authors in your life:

If you wouldn't say it to a lawyer, don't say it to an author!

Many published authors are people who have spent their lives creating art and dreaming of the day that they'd be able to see their name on a book spine. But we authors are also professionals. Writing is our business as well as our calling; we spend a lot more time answering emails and forcing ourselves to churn out words were we feel utterly uninspired as we spend chasing the Muse. Writing provides at least some of our income, and it's something we hope to keep doing long term. Writing is our career, not our hobby.

So what kinds of things should you think twice about saying to an author?

1. "I've always wanted to write a book. I totally would if I had more time!"

If you aren't telling your lawyer friends that you would totally go to get your law degree if you weren't so busy, then don't say this to an author, either. Pretty much every author out there is juggling a full plate—most work full time day jobs, many of us have kids, and some of us are battling disability or illness also. We don't write because we have an abundance of free time—we write because it's important to us and we make it a priority, even if that means cutting other things out. Just like going to law school requires sacrifices, so does writing. While we get the desire to write a novel, which lots of people find intriguing, comments like these can really belittle the amount of effort we put into making time for our work.

A better way to express this sentiment: "Wow, that's so cool that you've written a novel! I can't wait to read."

2. "If you want to write a book so you can get published and make money, isn't that selling out?" (See also: statements like "If you change your book to match an editor's vision, you've lost your artistic integrity!")

Have you ever looked at a lawyer and thought, man, they must not REALLY be committed to justice, or else they would forego a paycheck? Yeah, I didn't think so. With occupations like lawyers, doctors, or policemen, we can easily accept that a person does a job both because they love it and feel it's important AND because they need to keep putting good on the table. It's okay to want both things! Again: authors are professionals, and as in any job, being a passionate creator and wanting an income are not mutually exclusive.

A better way to express this: Dude, just don't.

3. "How's the book selling?"

Unsurprisingly, this is a question I've gotten a lot in the last month—sometimes multiple times a day. And I get it! It's well-meaning curiosity; often, friends ask me this eagerly, hoping to share in my excitement when I tell them it's doing great. I REALLY appreciate how excited people are for my book, and I'm happy to talk about it! But I want you to imagine right now that I'm looking at you with absolute love in my eyes, putting my hands on your shoulders, and saying:

If you wouldn't go up to your lawyer friend and ask her what her annual salary is or if she's winning all her cases... Please don't ask your author friends about sales. For one thing, this is just an uncomfortable can of worms, since it's essentially asking what a person's income is. For another, it can be a major tender spot for an author who feels insecure about her sales—which is the VAST MAJORITY. And finally, especially in the first few months after publication, an author may genuinely have no idea. Most authors don't have automatic access to that info; many only get it a few months after publication, when royalty statements come in, unless they ask their editor before that. (And there are lots of reasons an author may just prefer not to ask.)

A better way to express this: "Congratulations on your book coming out! That's so exciting." Then, if you wanted, you could add something about how you've seen some positive reviews of the book, or how exciting it is to see it in bookstores when you're out and about, or how much you/your kid/your friend enjoyed it. Focusing on RECEPTION rather than SALES is a good way to go. I promise, NOTHING is going to speak to an author's heart as much as a simple "congratulations, I really loved your book/am really excited to read!"

4. "I read your book, but I did notice a few big issues I thought I'd tell you about..."

Once a book is out in the world, the author has very little control over it anymore. Every book makes it to print with a few typos, even after half a dozen people (or more) have read it! If what you're trying to suggest to an author is a more big-picture, artistic fix, it's almost certainly just a matter of different tastes. Not every book is for every reader, and we authors understand that... but we generally prefer not to hear a blow-by-blow of how you'd have written our books better. If you wouldn't sit your lawyer friend down and tell them all the ways they should've handled their latest court case better, don't do the same to your author friends. Also, if you didn't like the book? That's totally fine! But express that to family or friends, or in a review on social media. Don't share it with the author (which includes tagging them in a bad review on social media). Trust me when I say that by the time a book goes to print, it's been through editorial revisions with multiple top industry professionals. Authors make choices with care and deliberation, putting thought into everything we do. Even if you don't like the book personally, or disagree with some of the choices we've made, acknowledging that there ARE reasons we made those choices can go a long way.

A better way to express this: Yeah, this is another "just don't." ;)

5. To a children's author: "So, are you ever going to write a real book, for adults?"

Look, dude. If you aren't going to go up to your real estate lawyer friend and ask when he's going to become a REAL lawyer, working as a prosecutor, then avoid doing the same thing to an author. Children's books take just as much work, finesse, and emotion as adult books do. Some of us write for children intentionally, because we view that as a sacred privilege, not because we're not good enough to hack it at writing "real" books.

A better way to express this: "So, what is it that made you want to write for children?"

6. "Is your book going to be like Harry Potter?" / "Are you going to meet J. K. Rowling?" / "So, writers make a lot of money, right?"

In addition to going back to the issues with question #3—asking about how much money an author has made—this is also like going up to a friend who's recently graduated law school and saying, "Hey, so you're a lawyer now, right? Are you going to be president soon?" Breakout stars in the book world DO happen, but they're as vanishingly rare as breakout stars in any other field. Your average children's writer has about as much likelihood of being the next J. K. Rowling as your average law school graduate has of being the next president: maybe a little more than the average citizen who hasn't written a novel or graduated from law school, but it's still really not likely. And questions like these can put a lot of pressure on writers, who have as many insecurities and anxieties about their career trajectory as any other artist.

A better way to express this: "Congratulations on your new release—I hope your book does really well!"

7. "When's the movie coming out?"

Honestly, it's about as likely for a movie to be made about the life of your lawyer friend, so. This is another question that can really hone in on your writer friend's doubts and insecurities. Rest assured, if a movie gets made of her book, she will let you know VERY CLEARLY! A close relative of this question would be anything about when the book will end up on the bestseller list (most never do).

A better way to express this: "I enjoyed your book so much. I think it would be a cool movie!"

At the end of the day, the best thing that you can say to a writer friend is something like this:

"Congratulations on your book! That's so wonderful."
"I'm really looking forward to reading your book!"
"I've requested your book at my local library!"
"I hope that your book does well!"
"It's so cool that you've written a book! That's really wonderful."

So You've Written A Book. Now What?

Since my book deal went public last year, I've had a definite increase in the number of people who have come to me asking for tips on getting an agent/publishing deal. I totally get it—I spent years as that writer who never seemed quite able to break in, but couldn't figure out why not. When you're in that space, it can feel like being lost in the middle of a forest, unable to even figure out how to begin to reach your destination because everything is so confusing and the world is filled with so many contradictory directions.

On that note, I thought I'd share some of my advice to aspiring authors—especially those who have just finished their first manuscripts and aren't sure what to do next.

First, let me say: Congratulations! As far as I'm concerned, there is no publishing milestone more important than finishing that first book. Now that you've finished a book, you know that you can do it. You've figure out how to beat through the thicket of your muddy middle and emerge on the other side of "The End." That is an enormous accomplishment, and one that deserves to be celebrated!

Except—now what do you do?

1. First, let the book sit for a bit. I don't know a single successful writer who can finish a draft and then immediately dive into revisions the next day. Or rather, I don't know a single successful writer who can do that and make revisions that are really what the book needs. Drafting and revising are two totally different creative processes, and you really need to gain a bit of distance from the one before your brain can switch into the other. So before you come back to your finished manuscript, set it aside for a few weeks or a few months. Work on something new, cultivate a non-writing project, or...

2. Find critique partners, stat. A critique partner is different from a general writing buddy. A critique partner definitely isn't your mom, best friend (unless your best friend is also a talented writer who doesn't pull punches in giving you feedback), or spouse. Almost without fail, when I've talked to writers over the last year who didn't know where to go after finishing their book, they've told me something along the lines of, "My mom/best friend/husband has read it five times and they can't find anything else to fix." Let me preface this by saying that it's great if your close friends and family want to read. It's fun, they often give encouragement that helps you keep going, and they're usually good at spotting typos and grammatical mistakes and other small but embarrassing details.

However, if you want to truly succeed in publishing, you really need your book to be read by several critique partners before you ever send out a single agent query. And, I hate to say it, you particularly need your book to be read by CPs who are strong in places that you're weak, which can take a lot of trial and error to find. For several years before I signed with my agent, I really struggled to connect with CPs that pushed me beyond what I could do myself. I had one or two really fantastic CPs, but a lot of the people I had read and critique my work had the same weaknesses I did, which meant that they weren't able to pick apart the places I really needed help. I have always loved line-level writing—the way sentences sound when you read them—and so by the time I started trying to get published, I was great at that... but I couldn't write a strong plot to save my life. Because my CPs at the time also struggled with plot structure, they couldn't point out the places my plots were falling apart. And because of that, my manuscripts never quite made it to the point where they were able to attract agent and editor attention.

Once I got into Pitch Wars in 2015 and connected with lots of CPs who were plotting mavens, that changed. My next book was WHERE THE WATERMELONS GROW, and thanks to the help from my new CPs, that book ended up with ten agent offers and a publishing house auction. That was no accident—I had all the tools I needed to take my writing to the next level, but it wasn't until I found the right CPs that I was able to unlock that potential.

If you want help connecting with good CPs, I shared some resources here. There's also other authors on Twitter who will periodically host CP matchups. The most important thing to know is this: Sometimes, it's just going to take time. I've traded manuscripts with people who didn't end up helping me much, but it wasn't until after their feedback that I realized that. Sometimes, you have to trade first chapters or whole manuscripts with several different people before you find some who have the savvy you need. Also, if you're like me, just trading first chapters might not be enough; because plot structure is my weakness, things don't usually fall apart in my stories until about a quarter of the way through, so trading beginnings doesn't help me that much.

3. Study the craft. While you're letting your manuscript sit/finding good CPs/starting a new project, make sure that you're studying the craft. This is not an optional step. I will be totally honest with you: I went for a lot of years being kind of full of myself and thinking that I'd basically learned all that I needed to know about the craft of writing. (HA. Please don't be like me, guys. You know what they say about pride and falls.) Because of this, I didn't pay enough attention at conferences, I didn't seek out craft books, I didn't follow craft blogs. And you know what? My writing didn't really get better. For a long time, I thought that writing a lot was the best way to learn to write well, and while that's true, I can pretty much guarantee that you will never write supernally if you don't put in a lot of study hours, too.

And don't just study the aspects of craft that you're drawn to, either (another mistake I made). Study the things you don't necessarily think you'll need, because you might be surprised. If you're writing thrillers, study the conventions of literary prose; you might be surprised by how much extra punch your fast-paced stories carry if they're also written beautifully. If you're writing literary, character-driven stories, don't think—like I did for a long time—that that means you get a pass when it comes to studying commercial plot structure. A strong plot with good bones can take your quiet literary novel from "lovely" to "stupendous."

There are so many incredible resources online to help you study craft; I recommend finding a couple of authors whose work you really admire and whose style you'd like to emulate, and then going to their websites. Often, writers will have writing advice or resources, or at least a spot on social media where they talk about their own influences. Some writers, like K. M. Weiland, dedicate huge chunks of their career to educating other writers and have websites and books that are virtual treasure troves of helpful resources. There are also tons of resources on YouTube—bestselling fantasy author Brandon Sanderson has the entire course list of classes he teaches on there, for instance. Googling will take you a lot of places; you can search for "writing craft books," "writing craft blogs," "tips for fiction writing," specific things you need help with, and so on.

4. Learn how to query agents (if you're shooting for traditional publishing). Learn how to write a query letter and a synopsis (sorry, guys, you can't get out of the dreaded synopsis; there WILL come a time when you need one, even after you're published!). Learn what literary agents do. Figure out whether traditional publishing, indie publishing, or small press publishing is right for you. Research agents who represent your favorite authors; research agents who rep authors in your genre; research agents who share your interests. (My favorite resources for researching agents are the Literary Rambles blog, Writer's Digest's New Agents section, and ManuscriptWishList.com.)

Then, once you have done all the other steps on this list, have your CPs read your query letter and synopsis... and start querying!

5. Consider online contests. There are new online contests cropping up all the time, and while they're definitely a mixed bag, some are really fantastic—not only because they give you the chance to get your work before agents, but because they help connect you to other writers, as well. I was a mentee in Pitch Wars in 2015, and then found my agent after the first #DVPit Twitter contest; not only did these experiences give me good industry connections, but they led me to my closest writing friends and strongest CPs. These days, there are contests just for teen writers, contests that take place in one day, contests that span over months, contests that give you feedback on your whole book or just a part of it. Some of the contests that I can personally vouch for are Pitch Wars, Query Kombat, Baker's Dozen, Nightmare on Query Street, and TeenPit, but there's lots I'm not familiar with that can also be good opportunities. There's also lots of Twitter pitch parties, like PitMad, KidPit, AdPit, and SFFPit, as well as DVPit, which is for marginalized (writers of color, queer writers, disabled writers, etc.) creators only.

My biggest advice if you're entering contests is this: Don't do it just for the agent exposure. That is a nice thing about it, but in my experience, by far the most valuable thing about writing contests is the chance to connect with other writers. No writer survives a publishing career without having a strong, vibrant, and thriving community; if you're serious about publishing, make sure you're also serious about building that community for yourself!

6. Consider conferences. Conferences can be invaluable chances to learn from more experienced writers and industry professionals, as well as making lasting friendships and connections. Conferences can also be chances to workshop or query with agents and editors, though just like with contests, it's important to focus as well on conferences as a chance to build your community, not just to meet agents.

You finished a book! Way to go! Now go forth and find yourself some critique partners!

How To Know Which Publishing Path Is Right For You

Lately I've gotten into a bunch of different conversations with downhearted aspiring authors in which said author tells me dejectedly, "I just don't feel like I'm ever going to get an agent. And I don't deal well with rejections. I'm thinking of just putting my book on Amazon to see what happens."

And I get that. I totally do. Guess what? I gave up on my first query attempt after a whopping ten queries. The rejections were just soul-killing, and it was apparent very quickly from talking to industry professionals that that book never had a fighting chance, anyway. And while I queried my second book much more widely, after more than 100 rejections on that book, I came perilously close to quitting writing—forever.

I am going to venture a sweeping guess that there isn't a single published author out there, no matter how successful, who doesn't understand the toll waiting and rejection can take on a new writer's soul. Remember how J. K. Rowling got twelve publisher rejections (after she was already agented) before Harry Potter sold, and even then it basically sold because the daughter of a publisher liked it? No author achieves success unscarred.

For many authors, indie publishing is absolutely the right way to go. I have many friends who are happy, successful, fulfilled indie authors. I have indie author friends who are hitting lists, achieving bestseller status, earning indie industry awards. They love the way that they're publishing, and I'm so happy for them. But—and here's the big caveat—none of these authors just put a digital file on Amazon and walked away. All of these authors studied, invested in, and excelled at the skills needed to be a successful indie author. They knew that their genres sold well in their chosen format. They knew the tricks to use to build a readership base. And they also, by and large, write very quickly and are able to put out several books a year, something that can be crucial to an indie author's success.

When my discouraged aspiring author friends come to me and announce their intention to just put the book on Amazon to "see what happens," I cringe a little inside—because I've seen what it takes to make a successful indie career, and that being an indie author takes every bit as much work as being a traditional author. And what's more, I've seen that being an indie author also involves just as much rejection as being a traditional author. As an indie, you aren't getting rejected by agents and editors, but you are getting rejected by a host of people who can be even more scary: the general public. You're getting rejected every time you pitch your book to a bookstore and they won't carry it. You're getting rejected every time you do a signing event and nobody stops by your table. You're getting rejected every time you try to handsell your book and somebody walks away instead of buying.

Rejection is part and parcel of a writing career. There is no point at which you don't experience rejection. And so rather than choosing the publishing path that seems to be the easiest in the moment, let's sit down and examine a better way to choose the publishing path that's right for you.

What Are Your Goals?

When I'm counseling friends who aren't sure what kind of career they'd like to have, my first question is always this one. What are your goals? If you think about where you want your career to be in ten years, what do you see? What are the things that spell successful author to you?

By and large, your author goals will dictate your publishing path.

—If you harbor a deep dream of being able to walk into Barnes and Noble or your local indie and see your book on the shelf—that's not typically something you can get as an indie author (although there are definitely exceptions, particularly when it comes to local bookstores who know you as a local author).

—If you dream of starred reviews and mainstream award nominations, a traditional publishing path is a must. While indie markets have their own awards (like the Rone), and you will still be eligible for location- or affiliation-based awards (for example—if you're a Mormon author, as I am, you're eligible to be nominated for a yearly Whitney award whether you're trad or indie), the shiny stickers that most readers are familiar with (such as the National Book Award, the Pulitzer Prize, the Newbery and Printz Medals, etc.) are only awarded to traditionally published authors.

—If you want to have the largest degree of creative control, traditional publishing is probably not where you'll be happiest. In trad publishing, things like cover design, your book's description, and many of the finer points of editing are things you'll be involved in but not have final say over. Indie authors, on the other hand, have full control over all aspects of the publishing process, from layout to marketing plan.

—If you're an entrepreneurial sort and love the idea of building your author career like a business, you'll love being an indie author.

—If you want to turn out a lot of books each year and not have to wait for contracts to expire or the excruciatingly slow pace of traditional publishing, indie authorship is a perfect fit.

—If you don't want to have to worry too much about the extraneous details of your career—like cover design—and if you want support in marketing your book without having to hire a private publicist, then being a traditional author is probably your best bet.

—If you want to write for readers younger than 14, it will be much harder to achieve success as an indie. For middle grade readers and younger, reading is often still driven by "gatekeepers"—teachers, librarians, booksellers, and parents. Many kids in this category still don't have smartphones or e-readers, they don't have unfettered access to transportation, and their parents often still want to screen their reading for objectionable content.

—If, on the other hand, you want to write something like adult romance? There's a huge and booming market for indie books and you'll likely do quite well.

—The most financially successful indie authors achieve success by honing in on a limited "brand" and putting out one or more books a year that fit that brand. If you're a jack-of-all-genres who likes to move between age categories and topics, you might have a more difficult time establishing yourself as an indie author. While traditional publishing often still expects you to follow your debut novel up with another in that genre, you typically have a little more flexibility and less pressure to put books out as quickly.

Obviously, there are exceptions to every "rule" on this list. Traditional authors still have to be heavily involved in their own marketing, and some indie authors achieve great success writing slowly or hopping from genre to genre. Many authors ("hybrid" authors) do both quite successfully—writing for traditional publishers and then pursuing novellas or other genres independently on the side.

This post is not intended to either dissuade people from pursuing indie publishing or imply that it's less worthy than traditional publishing. Both paths, however, take work, perseverance, and the ability to handle a good amount of rejection. And neither path will make you happy as a writer if it won't help you achieve your ultimate goals.

So next time you're feeling discouraged, get out a sheet of paper and jot down a list of your writer goals!

The World Is Wide Enough: Dealing With Jealousy In Your Writing Life

Let me just start this post off with a little honesty: generosity and the celebration of others' successes is not, shall we say, my strong suit. I am by nature a jealous person; I tend to have a lot of knee-jerk envy even in situations where envy is abjectly ridiculous. When I was on the agent hunt, I felt envious of friends who found agents before I did, or even people I didn't know who found agents before I did. When I was on submission (which was thankfully a very brief time for me, and so I definitely didn't have room for jealousy!), I felt envious of friends whose books sold in two days. When I was waiting to announce my book deal, I felt envious of friends who got to announce sooner than I did. Even now, in this happy place of my-dream-has-come-true and before the full anxiety of being a debut author has struck, I feel envious of silly things, things I won't even be eligible for for a long time: starred reviews, fancy author blurbs, second and third book deals.

Why am I telling you all of this? Because I suspect that I'm not the only writer who struggles with the little green monster on the daily. And today, that's what I want to talk about.

When you're a struggling writer (and let's face it—we are all, at every point of the journey, struggling in one way or another), the sense of scarcity can be crippling. Every day, people are finding agents, getting book deals, holding their books in their hands, hitting bestseller lists. And with every author that achieves the milestone you're desperately seeking yourself, it can feel like your chance of succeeding just got a little further away.

But she signed with my dream agent, and now that agent won't be taking on new clients for awhile!

But if that editor offered on his book, surely she won't also offer on mine!

Her book is so similar to mine that surely no agent/editor/reader will want mine now!

His book is on more goodreads lists than mine, so it's sure to get more pre-publication buzz!

Her book sold for so much more money than mine, so she'll be a lead title and I won't!

I've been thinking a lot about this over the past two years, as I've battled my own jealousy demons. Often, a line from the very end of Hamilton comes back to my mind—just after Hamilton and Burr's infamous duel, as Burr realizes that their feud has cost him personally, as well as robbing the world of a fine and creative mind. I was too young and blind to see, he sings. I should've known the world was wide enough for both Hamilton and me.

This is the thing I hold on to, the thing I remind myself of, when I'm in the grasp of envy. The world is wide enough. Another writer's success does not rob me of my own chance; the only thing stolen is the way my bitterness sucks away my joy, hopefulness, and inspiration. Sometimes, that reminder can be tough to hold on to—but for me, at least, it's been the only way to survive the emotional ups and downs of a writing career.

Here are my concrete tips for how I've learned to handle jealousy in writing relationships:

1. Allow yourself to feel what you feel.

Some people have the mysterious ability to take unpleasant emotions, look at them coolly, and then choose to discard them. My husband is one of these. I am most definitely not. I've found that the more I try to stuff icky feelings away, the more they tend to lash out in nasty and uncontrollable ways later. For me, a key part of overcoming jealousy is allowing myself to sit with that feeling, and having compassion for myself for feeling it in the first place, instead of lecturing myself about what a terrible person I am and trying to force myself to stop feeling what I'm feeling through sheer force of will.

2. What is the jealousy really telling you?

For me, jealousy is often a surface emotion, a glossy veneer over the thing I'm really feeling deep down inside: Fear. Fear that I'll never get an agent, or sell a book. Fear that my book will bomb and I'll lose the ability to do what I love on a professional level because of it. That fear can feel paralyzing, but often, being willing to name and confront it helps the jealousy that overlays it to subside.

3. Talk to a trusted friend.

I'm an extrovert, and I figure things out through talking through them. An important part of dealing with any difficult situation for me is finding a trusted friend or two with whom I can safely share my feelings. It's important that they're somebody who will neither condemn nor validate your feelings—they shouldn't be the kind of person who will say either "Oh yeah, you're SO much better than that other writer, YOU should've gotten the agent instead!" or "How could you be so small-minded? Just grow up and get over yourself!" My trusted friends are often fellow writers, who can intimately understand the struggles I'm sharing with them, but are enough removed from the situation that they're able to empathize without being drawn into the middle of the fray.

4. If it's appropriate, talk to the person who sparked the jealousy.

Often, this isn't the right course of action. But twice in my career, there have been times where having the vulnerability to be honest helped salvage relationships that were really important to me. Early last year, while I was at a really dark place in my agent search, one of my dearest friends got an agent in a pretty fast, fairytale scenario. It. Was. So. Hard. For days, I wrestled with bitterness and envy, until that friend and I finally talked it out. Not only did our friendship survive that shift, it grew stronger as a result. Likewise, this summer when my book sold quickly, that was tough on another dear friend who'd been on submission longer than I had. Luckily for me (since she's an awesome friend I would've been heartbroken to lose!), we both worked hard to make sure that we were on the same page in how we planned to deal with that transition.

If you're the one feeling jealous, be honest with your friend. Tell her that you love her, and that you're happy for her success, but explain why it's hard for you to hear. Try to come to an arrangement that works for both of you in terms of how, and how often, she brings up her exciting news to you.

On the other hand, if you're the one who's had success and you know your friend is struggling with it, be sensitive to her feelings. Ask her if she'd like to be kept abreast of your exciting developments, or if she'd rather not have all the details. Know that she's thrilled for you, but also sad for herself, and that both those emotions can exist together without invalidating each other.

5. Focus on the things you CAN control.

Sometimes, that might be drafting the book you're working on, or polishing up a certain aspect of craft you're struggling with. Sometimes, that might be offering to critique others' work as a way to both get out of your own head a little bit and grow as a writer—last year when I was struggling so much, I offered to crit more than I ever have in my life, and although on occasion that was tough, it was also immensely helpful both for strengthening my own writing and for feeling like I was doing something that was objectively, measurably helpful and successful. And other times, it might be focusing on something completely different: A non-writing-related hobby, or parenting, or your day job. Writing is a tough business, and it's imperative to place as much focus as you can on the things that are in your control, because—like it or not—many things just aren't.

6. If all else fails, fake it till you make it.

I won't lie, I kind of hate that advice in most contexts. Who honestly wants to be superficial and shallow in the face you present to the world? Still, there are times where this nugget of wisdom really is the right answer, and in my experience, jealousy is one of them. Relationships with critique partners, friends, and your writing community are precious; don't allow your jealousy to ruin them. If you're struggling with another's success, put on a smile the best you can and fake enthusiasm and congratulations until those feelings turn into something more genuine—especially if they're not a close enough friend for it to be appropriate for you to open up about your feelings. Recognize that jealousy is a real part of the writing journey, whatever point you may be at, and, in the immortal words of Elsa, be willing to do the best that you can and let it go.

.   .   .   .   .

Wherever you're at in your writing career, remember this: the world is wide enough. The world is wide enough for your stories and theirs, too. The world is wide enough for lots of starred reviews. The world is wide enough for you to find a new dream agent, even if the one you always thought you wanted turned you down. The world is wide enough, and being willing to cheer others along even when you're struggling is what will, in turn, ensure that you have a solid cheering section when your turn comes. And it will: Because the world is wide enough for your success.

How I Got My Agent

via GIPHY

For the last two years, I've been working hard on getting an agent. (If you're not sure what that means, go read this post!) At times it's been so soul-suckingly hard that I've come close to quitting writing altogether. In that two years I queried three books and racked up a total of 145 rejections, 112 of which were all on the same book (that was especially soul-sucking). After querying that second book for the better part of a year and getting lots of interest, but having every single one of those interested agents eventually pass, I was at an all-time low point in my writing career. In February, I came genuinely close to just giving up on my fiction, and really the only thing that stopped me was the fact that I've tried to quit before and always been lured back by the siren song of storytelling.

Instead of quitting, I slogged my way through revisions on a new novel—a middle grade (ages 8-13) magical realism book called WHERE THE WATERMELONS GROW—and, when it was as good as I could make it, I started querying that one. I sent out my first few queries in mid-April, and got a couple of full requests right off the bat, which was exciting but not nearly so exciting as it would have been had I not had the sad experience of 21 full requests all turning into rejections on my previous book. I oscillated wildly between hopefulness and despair, convinced I'd never be able to write a book that consisted of more than just pretty words (my strong point).

A week after I started querying I entered a Twitter pitch contest called #DVPit. During a Twitter pitch contest, authors craft a brief pitch (it has to fit into Twitter's 140-character limit, including hashtags that identify it as part of the contest) and tweet it several times during the day. Agents who are interested in whatever genre or specialty the contest emphasizes can scroll the Twitter feed for the contest hashtag, and favorite posts for books that they're interested in seeing. #DVPit is a brand-new, very unique contest, focused on diverse stories by marginalized authors (including disabled authors). I entered #DVPit hoping for the best, and my expectations were wildly exceeded: By the next day, I'd had requests from 21 agents.

The next four days of my life were comprised of quite possibly the most nail-biting anxiety I've ever experienced. By the fourth day, I'd hardly slept and had managed to scratch the skin off one of my fingers and one of my kneecaps through sheer nervous habit. By the morning after I'd finished sending materials to 17 of the 21 interested agents (who typically wanted to see a query and first few chapters, but sometimes requested a partial right from the contest), I'd had five full requests in less than 24 hours. The next day, I had an e-mail from an agent who was part of the way through my book, loving it, and wanted to know what other projects I was working on. While that sort of e-mail doesn't always turn into an offer, it often does, and I'd never received an e-mail like it before. The next 24 hours felt agonizingly slow, and it was all I could do to avoid checking my e-mail every two seconds.

And then, the next day, I got another e-mail from the same agent, asking to set up a phone call.

As you can imagine, the time between that e-mail and the actual phone call (blessedly only the next day) was yet more stress and anxiety. Right before she was scheduled to call, I was certain I'd either throw up or pass out. But then the phone rang, she made it clear within the first few minutes of our call that she was offering representation for WHERE THE WATERMELONS GROW, and we had an absolutely delightful chat. And just like that, I was on to the next stage in my writing journey.

Because I had so many other agents still reading all or part of my book, the traditional thing to do was to e-mail them all notifying that I'd had an offer and would be making my decision on a specific day (I chose a day 10 days after my first offer). I spent several hours after that first phone call sending out my nudge e-mails. Within minutes, I started getting more requests from agents who hadn't had a chance to see the full before now but were interested in reading. By the next day, I had a second offer from another stellar agent... and nine days later, by the end of my deadline period, I'd had a whopping seven more offers (for a total of nine). When a tenth agent offered two hours after my deadline passed, I no longer even had time to take her phone call. That ten days was hands down the craziest, most exciting, most overwhelming, most shocking experience of my life. To go from being the girl with 145 rejections to being the girl with 10 offers was beyond surreal.

Due to the large number of offers I'd had, I ended up needing to take a few extra days to make my decision. And it was tough. All of the agents who had offered were top-notch, and many of them comprised my list of "dream agents", the kind of people I never in a million years would have dreamed would offer on my book. The enthusiasm and love they'd all shown for my story was absolutely unreal, and winnowing my options down felt impossible. 

On the very last day of my decision period, one agent started edging to the front of the pack. She was incredibly kind, had an unbelievable reputation in the industry, and her ideas for how WHERE THE WATERMELONS GROW needed to be revised lined up very well with my own ideas about the book's weak spots. She also was very accessible and supportive, and a fast reader—things that were important to me. The clients that I spoke to raved about her (including one who happens to also be one of my critique partners and very dear friends!) By the end of the day, I knew that I'd made my decision, and I accepted an offer from Elizabeth Harding of Curtis Brown, LTD. 

Any of the agents who offered would've been incredible advocates for my book, and it broke my heart into tiny little pieces to have to send so many rejections (I have no idea how agents and editors can survive rejecting so many people all the time!!!). But Elizabeth's vision and enthusiasm for my story have been infectious, and in the few weeks that we've been working together I've already been amazed by how efficient, focused, and kind she is.

To finish this post, here are some ridiculously detailed stats, because that's what I always want to see on other peoples' agent posts:

24 cold queries sent
4-5 full requests before I entered #DVPit (One was a referral and the agent asked for the full as part of the referral, so not sure if that counts)
21 contest requests, 17 sent (some were from the same agencies)
5 contest upgrades before offer
6 contest upgrades after offer nudges
7 query full requests after offer nudges 

Total offers: 9 offers within deadline, 1 two hours after deadline, 1 R&R the next day. (5 of the offers were from the contest, 5 offers and the R&R from query nudges.)