Sunday, August 20, 2017

on turning twenty-nine for the first, and only, time


Today was my twenty-ninth birthday—for real. We celebrated well at my parents' house, with gorditas, five-layer Chinese bakery rainbow cake, and an impressive Mormon minibar (aka build-your-own Italian sodas). 

My dad teared up talking about how 28.5 years ago, when I was in the process of being diagnosed with cystic fibrosis, they found an outdated book in the library that said I wouldn't live past nine. Later, when the doctor gave them an official prognosis, it wasn't much better—nineteen. 

It's amazing to be a full decade past that, on the cusp of thirty. 

I found myself thinking tonight about my dear friend Kristi, whom I still miss daily, who died unexpectedly nearly a year and a half ago. She was a few years older than I am—already on the other side of thirty—but she, like so many of my friends, will not live to have another birthday.

Our culture has been subsumed by the cult of agelessness; adult birthdays are less joyful celebration and more occasions of dread, and millions of women walk around coyly saying they're turning "twenty nine—again." Every time I hear something like this I find myself wanting to grab the speaker by the shoulders and shake them. Don't you know how lucky you are? Don't you know never to take a single birthday for granted?

So here I am: heading into my thirtieth year of life, determined to live in gratitude, without taking these years for granted. I cannot wait to close out my twenties, to head into a new decade, to swim forward toward numbers I never thought I'd reach. 

And ten or twenty years from now, if I should be so lucky to still breathe, when my silver hairs have taken over, when you ask me how old I am, I will not be answering 'twenty-nine.'

13 comments:

  1. This is beautiful. You are beautiful. Happiest of all the twenty-ninth birthdays there have ever been and ever will be.

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  2. You are amazing. Happy birthday, Cindy! Sending you love.

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  3. All my best to you on this fine day. We are all better for knowing you! Here's to many, many more birthdays!

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  4. What a wonderful and beautiful perspective!! I, too, proudly own my age. Every year, every day, is a beautiful gift from God, and I don't ever want to pretend that I haven't been blessed with as many glorious years as I have. Happiest of birthdays to you, and praying you'll have MANY more to come!!

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  5. Beautifully written! Happy 29th Birthday!!! It's amazing defying those doctors!!! Enjoy entering your thirtieth year and many more!

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  6. Beautiful words. Happy birthday and here's to many more!

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  7. A lovely view of adding years, written as a true poet would write! Every year IS a victory! Best wishes for many more rainbow cakes and mini-bars!

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  8. I decided, when I was a little girl, that age is as beautiful as youth, and to treasure the years that I accumulate. At 39, I continue to stand by that conviction. You don't need to have a life-altering disease to die young. My dad was in his early 40s when he died in a car accident. My mom was 19 when she almost died in a flaming motorcycle accident--they say it was a miracle she survived the severity of her burns--and her mother was 60 when she died in a house fire. My dad's younger sister just died of a heart-attack, three years ago. We are not guaranteed a full measure of years, so I choose to enjoy the ones I am given. <3

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  9. Now that's a birthday cake {LOVE}! And wow--your wonderful words made me cry.
    xoxo HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

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  10. Happy Birthday, Cindy. I'm so glad I know you.

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  11. You are so lovely and wise. Thank you for sharing, Cindy. By the way, I have a good friend with CF who is in her mid 50s. She, too, is so proud of every year. <3

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  12. I'm so glad to have met you and gotten to see you in person! It's so hard for me to even imagine what you go through. You just seem so healthy. But I watched my mom go through multiple bouts of pneumonia so I know how awful those can be and can't imagine it compounded. I pray that your new vest helps a lot and that new treatments come out soon to help you have many many many more birthdays. Love you!

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